A New Beginning

"How did you break it off with him?" she asked.
"I ended it the way we began. I sent him an email," I told her.
"But why??? He made you so happy." She's completely flabbergasted by my abrupt decision.

My answer to her is plain and simple: "He's not the one for me."

It was an unfair situation for him, perhaps. Everyone around me is pressuring me to find my future husband. The pressure could be as subtle as that which I experience when I observe the happiness between my cousin and his wife of three years. The pressure could be as blatant as my mom or friends who try to get me to dump him  and look for "someone better".

"I'm not in a relationship with your friends," he protested once. But if no one shares my sentiment, if no one sees that which I see in him.... is it me or them who are the delusional party?

Time spent away from him only contributed to the cracks in my feelings for him. All could have been rectified if we could have spent more time together. However, circumstances were working against us. Fate destined that I would have my cousins to entertain and he would be in a difficult time transition when we hit the rocky part of our relationship.

Emotional neglect made me so unhappy for most of our brief time together.

I would have been happy if he actually wrote me a one sentence email that just mentioned he was thinking of me. I didn't require a work of Shakespearean proportions. I am a simple girl with simple tastes. But that doesn't really matter anymore....

I guess I started to believe that perhaps my friends were right about him after one particular incident where I saw the other side of him come out. All I could think then was that he will treat me like that one day. He will  hurt me with those cutting words, with that sarcastic humor that I had  enjoyed previously.  And in the future, when I am sitting there sobbing like the object of his scorn did that day, he still won't know what he did wrong.

Whenever I get overwhelmed by how much I miss him, whenever I regret that late night decision I made.... I remember that there is still silence from his end.  Nothing more than  a polite apology, "I'm sorry I didn't make more time for you these past couple of months."


But there you have it, folks. This is how a new beginning dawns.... this is how another chapter in Clara's life ends.

-/-
"Wow, I thought you really liked this guy too. I thought you guys would be together for a long time."

That's what I thought too...

-/-
Tap on my window knock on my door
I want to make you feel beautiful
I know I tend to get so insecure
It doesn’t matter anymore

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

I don’t mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
She will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls

-- She Will Be Loved, Maroon5